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An Acoustic concept album about the harsh realities of following your dreams and the emotional ambivalence of giving them up.


released June 17, 2017



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AIHVHIA Washington

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Track Name: Don't Look Back
Don’t look back
I’m afraid you may see something you don’t want to
And you can never go back
Don’t look back
I’m afraid you may feel something you don’t want to
And you can never go back

A messaged bird
Found its way from many days
It came from far outside the walls
I’ll say a prayer
As I cast it to the flame
It’s not my pain and it’s not my fault
At least we’re happy
Inside our castles and with our grounds

In distant screams
“They will feed us to the trees”
I just by habit turn my head
I waste my days and my nights
I can’t move, try
But cries for help aren’t worth my time
I could have saved so many lives
But why would I?

At least we’re happy
Track Name: Anything
“You can do anything
You can be anyone
I see in you
A light within your heart
You will do greater things
Better than anyone I ever knew
It’s right there in your heart

I will never give up on you
I don’t think that you know the truth

You can make angels sing
Listen to destiny
Follow your stars
There right there in your heart

You can cross any stream
You can light any dark
Don’t be afraid to use
The light within your heart

You can move the stars
Swim across the ocean
Fly above the clouds
Brew a magic potion
You can undo time
Make the familiar odd
You can slay the dragon
You can become god

You can do anything.”
Track Name: Hold On
There’s a dark part of me that you never could see
There’s a piece that is missing from me
And I know that I need to just leave
All the will under god couldn’t run this leave through
There was nothing you could say or do
I have nothing but love for you
I’ve been holding these things that were given to me
I’m fed up with just praying on peace
There’s a demon that’s living through me
You’ve been the only thing keeping me off the edge
But now I’m hanging from the edge
And I’m slipping away

But hey
You mean more than anything
You mean more than everything
To me
But hey
I can’t keep just thinking about me

But if you hold on
I’ll be holding on to you
But if you find your dream
Reality will never catch back up to you
But I’m still holding on to you

And I’ll write to you

I just landed on shore and its nothing like home
Found I love wondering where I should go
As expected I feel alone
As the months go by you become less real in some way
Like you’re just some character from a book
And every day I forget a page.
Track Name: Heaven Has Gates
One year and I gave my life away
Just to find you’re all in the same place
What did I do to deserve today?
To die in such a frustrating way
I woke up to a man ignoring god
In a palace behind some other walls
He spoke to me as through the garden we would walk
“We’ve watched you as you gave your life away
Who exactly are you trying to save?
Not everyone deserves your grace

Lay your head to sleep
Leave your homeland
Take after me
I believe in peace for the peaceful
Others must leave, and so
Lay your head to sleep
Leave your homeland
Take after me
I believe in peace for the peaceful
Don’t waste your time in some fantasy

You would never keep all your animals in the same cage
Not everyone’s the same
Some are violent, some lazy and most are greedy in some way
You are not that way
Give up
You cannot save them all
Give up
Come live behind a wall
Give up
Don’t sacrifice in vain
Pain breeds pain breeds pain breeds pain breeds pain

Heaven has gates.”
Track Name: Embark
My time
It haunts me
It wants me
To go right now
But all the trails I’ve found
It seems they only lead away from where I’m called
I am called to be more
We are called to be more
So here we are
On the clock
“Do you know where you’re going?
On a boat that trusts the wind will blow?
You don’t know who you’ll meet
Or what you’ll see
All that we can know…”
Time to embark!
Think as you leap in the dark
It’s what separates the ones who try
From the ones who never find
They’ve made themselves worth what they have cost.
Track Name: Learn The Hunt
Take my things
You have more need
Your family won’t last long just planting seeds
Off your knees
I’ll help you find
Whatever holds you down inside your mind

And I know you feel you’ve no control
You could break any day
And the world sets you way
And I think you’re stronger than you know
You can take it away
I believe you can change

All these weeks
What have you done?
I see you’ve planted seeds
You said you’d hunt
You aren’t the only one who depends on you
I see your good intentions
You know what you must do
Your habits always want to keep you by their side
Their as strong as you fear
As weak as you decide

I can’t be strong for you
No escape, no excuse
Nothing’s stopping you
Why are you still standing there as if something was wrong?
Nothing I can do
I’ll be on my way and pray you do what must be done.
Track Name: Stay Off The Trails
She was carved from a tree
So she knows who she meant to be
So she grows up
He was split from a creek
So he knows where to find what he seeks
So he flows down

I wonder what I’m made of
I wonder what I should do
I wonder if I’m like you

She was formed from the earth
So she knows which direction to turn
So she goes round
He was broke off a stone
So he knows he will keep to his own
So he stays put


I will try trails I’ve found
But I fear they all circle around
Does one go where I’m bound?

What can I do?
Nothing to do

If I stay off the trails
I’ll find my comfort due
If I stay off the trails
I might find something new
If I stay off the trails
I’ll have to fight what grew
If I stay off the trails…
Track Name: Old Growth
I’ve hung on the edge of earth and was ready to let go
I’ve fallen on a mountain rise and begun to build a home
There’s real comfort but I know I cannot stay
I must endure the pain so I burn the empty frame
And as I carry on I still collect those scars
Who says they should remind you of how capable you are?
To me they challenge every step I’ve ever laid
For every moment spent another sacrifice is made
Is there a way, a canon better set by pace?
I’m sick of watching every day just go to waste
I’m losing faith in all the mantras about pain
My shins are full of splints and I’m still dying in the rain
It isn’t fair; we battle relics from the past
What once protected us is now holding us back
If I could tell between the urges and the needs
If I could only overcome the primal part of me

I’ve been down to the conscious end
You wouldn’t believe it if you could have seen it
I’ve been down
Taking my nature by the throat
It’s not hard, somehow, to forget
You feel that you’re dying
It’s you that you’re fighting
I’ve been down
Taking my nature by the throat
Every enemy you’ve found
Old growth is harder to cut down

It pulls your hand away when burning on a stove
It saves your energy for when the food gets low
I, reign of pleasure, balanced by the rule of pain
Put a saddle on your heart and a spur inside your brain
As you look closer at the moss around your shins
You’ll find you don’t know where you stop and where the wood begins
So as you cut away the vines just keep in mind
“The reason I exist at all
To keep ourself alive
The real struggle comes from knowing where to cut
Which canopies make shade and which ones keep me in a rut”
Or maybe all of that is venom from the vines
The woods impersonate yourself
Always keep that in mind
Who’s really talking here?
Who’s calling all the shots?
Am I just here to give suggestions to a box
Why don’t I have control, I clearly know what’s best
This carnal mother’s seed will lay us both to rest

Dominance and discord
Fake it, take it all down
Torture your animal
You are the right way
Never back to the wall
Fake it, take it all down
You’re not the animal
You are the right way.
Track Name: Enjoy Your Rainbow
If honestly you’ll never love a traveler like me
Well that’s all right
How could I ever expect you to?
You let me go
You’re too polite
You knew I’d never write
And that’s all right
I’m not the same kid you always knew

The storm will take its pieces
No matter who you are
I’ve finally stopped the dreaming
And quieted my heart

I want to leave
I want to stay
And anything could push me either way
I want to live
I want to die
I’m all right
It makes me sick
I made your mess
How I guilt tripped you into years of loneliness
So when at last you see me go
Make sure you enjoy your rainbow

I’ve joined a group
I travel light
It’s such an easy hike
And that’s all right
No one expects anymore from you
I say you’re free
Because now you know
It’s ok to let go
Let go of your fight
If you want peace you must make the room

I want to leave
I want to stay
And anything could push me either way
I want to live
I want to die
I’m all right
It makes me sick
I made my mess
How I sentenced myself to years of loneliness
So when at last I see it go
I’ll make sure to enjoy my rainbow.
Track Name: I Guess She's The One
If you could leave that painting on my desk
Because there’s a comfort in the thought
If I had friends do you think I’d come back or not?
But there’s no one there
You have a chance to say I told you so
It worked out just the way you said
Romantic dreams were pushed aside, but I won’t cry
I don’t think of it

I guess I’m in love
I guess she’s the one
I guess she’s the one
I guess I’m all done

It seems I’ve found myself behind some walls
It’s not as bad as I once thought
Is it ok out there?
Because I don’t see a lot
I’ve been slowing down
Can you believe I thought I’d change the world?
Some sort of savior for us all
There’s some restoring force that lies beyond these walls
But don’t get me wrong
It looks like you were right and mom was wrong
Every cheer was just a wish
The ocean’s far too wide and dragons don’t exist
I can see that now
I feel so welcome saying I’m alright
Nothing’s great but nothing’s wrong
I’m mostly waiting for the clock to say I’m done
Go home for now.
Track Name: Following
I wake another day
Wash the oil away
I wait in line to pay
I feel inspired today
But there’s no time to waste
I wait in line to pay
I wake again today
And wash the oil away
I take a little break
I wake again today
Wash the oil away
I stand in line to pay

If you believed in fate
And she asked us to meet
Would you say we’re in love
If we say we can change
Has our fear taken lead?
Would you say we’re alone

I wake again today
And wash the oil away
Wait in line to pay
I wake again today
Tired and running late
Wait in line to pay
I wake again today
Take a little break
I wait in line to pay
I wake again to pay
And wash the oil to pay
Stand in line to pay

Do you believe in fate?
Did she ask us to meet?
Would you say we’re in love?
Do you think we can change?
Has our fear taken lead?
Would you say we’re alone?

But I don’t want to be loved by you.
Track Name: Painting In The Attic
Found a letter sent from home
Must be years since someone sent it
I guess that means I missed the funeral
Probably thought I wouldn’t go
I’m going to hell, that much I know
Because I don’t remember you
I owe you everything and more
But I don’t remember you

Now you’re hardly here at all
Just a painting in the attic
Just a thought that visits once a year
If that
Just a part of who I was

You’ve got more than most could ask
Someone to pull you from the attic
Paint the roses in your past
Before I put you back
They say the piper plays too soon
But I don’t remember you
A life’s an awful thing to lose
But I don’t remember you

I can’t say it’s too bad
Maybe I’m glad
Some of the pressure is gone
A lot of the pressure is gone.
Track Name: Locked In The Attic
Halls full of portraits
Beautiful walls
You’re locked in the attic
What’s wrong?
Not going to make it
Not good enough
Wasted your time
On what?

Welcome to the attic
You’ve been here all along
You’ll find out your fears are all true but so what?
Nothing really matters
Do whatever you want
It won’t be too long till the heat death has won
Most of us are already gone

No one can love you
There’s too much wrong
Doomed to face the darkness
The last light to cling to
Flickers in the fog
Entropy gently swallows
To dark.
Track Name: Here
Hard to be sad in your natural home
(When you feel connected to everything)
Hard to maintain that you’re all alone
Easy to dance when you’re both in sync
Blissful enchantress your partner speaks

I’m just happy to be here at all

All the fear
Fades away
When you say

And I’ll be right here
Till the damages are done
And I’ll leave my fear
Because it’s not the thing I want
I got to be here and that’s more than enough”

Outside yourself there’s a bigger life
(Harmony was always the missing piece)
Easy to dance when you feel alright

How do I thank you?
I don’t have too much to give
I’m more of a gypsy than a collector of gifts
I could tell you a story
But I’m sure you think it’s all the same
It might help to hear from someone who lost the game

(Thank god someone was there to hear my screaming
Thank god someone was there to let me out
And I keep on thinking
What are the odds that you’d come around?
It’s over now.)
Track Name: Fantasy
Take what you’re given
And cast in the river of alms
See what you swallow
Some poisons you can’t vomit up
What makes you livid?
Uproots any seeds that you sew
Do you feel hollow?
You know what to follow
So go!

What do you think is real?
Out there what do you expect to feel?
You’ll say this is not where I should be
There’s no one here to help me and

I don’t know where to go
All of me surrounding you
You’ll find it hard to breath
But I believe in fantasy
I don’t know where you think I have gone
Far away
Into your dark
I don’t know what you think I have seen
Far away
Into your dreams

I don’t know
Go alone
What do you see?
Leave today
Sail away
What do you need?

Half of you planted
It doesn’t exist in that way
Another distraction
You better take action today
Do you feel livid?
The truth is so vivid right now
Maddening how it
Dissolves if you allow it
But how do you win when it’s you?

I’ve lost so many decades to reasons
And easier ways
I’ve felt so many forms of defeat
When you’re out there you’ll say

I’m full of anger and sorrow and hate
I’ve lost every battle I left up to fate
I found out the truth just a little too late
I left everything that I love at the gate

I’m wasting away all my years at the wheel
It’s hurting me faster than my body can heal
And you’re not so different; you’re not made out of steel
And some day you’ll day and then how will you feel?
I’m all alone and

It’s all a fantasy.
Track Name: Iridescent
There’s a fine disparity
That came to me
Please tell me what you think
Over here it’s a graceful life
A pretty wife
But how can that be right?
Tilt your head and it ranges
It changes into something I could reach
Now it looks like a place to sit
Some cloths that fit
Your pleasant company
What is the kingdom you seek?
Can you imagine a simple modest life could feel as complete?
If you believe
A chance could be
Worth a life or two
I believe in you.